A
guest post by Pamela Mac Neil
A
conversation between stephen Harper and Jason Kenney is overheard the
day after they lose the election.
Harper-
"No shit Sherlock"
Kenney-
"Look we can, regroup and come back in the next election,
stronger then ever."
Harper-
"I was so close. I was ready to act on all of the groundwork I
had laid, but the left wing media and those toronto intellectual
elites couldn't handle having a down to earth guy like me as PM."
Kenney-"
I know, I know"
Harper-
" Trudeau, they voted in Trudeau!!"
Kenney-
"I know, I know"
Harper-
"And that damn Muslim Nenshi, could't keep his mouth shut, that
cost us votes in Calgary"
Kenney-
"I know, I know"
Harper-
"Will you stop bloody well saying that, it's getting on my
nerves, besides, you'll be fine. You're running for the leadership
right? Got your future all neatly mapped out. Doesn't matter what
happens to me"
Kenney-
"I'll be carrying on your legacy"
Harper-"
Look Jason, it's my legacy! The only one who could have continued it
was me. Got that?"
Kenney-
"But it's a legacy we all agreed to"
Harper-
"Only with me as the Leader. I didn't do all of those changes to
the bloody liberal, Pierre Trudeau Brand, so someone else can take
credit for it"
Harper-
Repeats- "Oh God! They voted in Trudeau, Trudeau!"
Kenney
- "Maybe they liked his charisma"
Harper-
"Are you saying they didn't like my substantial presence?"
Kenney-
"No, it's just"
Harper-
"It's just what?"
Kenney-
"Well, the average Canadian is not equipped to see the
difference"
Harper-
"You got that right"
Harper-
"The average Canadian knows squat. Why do ya think I kept my
distance from them, didn't want to even talk to them. Always wanting
me to explain what I'm doing, like 6 year olds wanting teacher to
tell them what the world is all about. My base? Well they understood,
they trusted me. They accepted everything I told them."
Kenney-
"You'll probably get alot of offers in the next few weeks My mom
says your phone will be ringing off the hook."
Harper-
"None of them will come close to being PM. I mean look at the
perks. Look at my entourage. People at my beck and call for anything
I needed. Being the only one in charge. People doing what ever I've
told them to. That's strong leadership. You know what George W.
said to me when we were reading the bible together. He said Steve,
never forget because you are one of God's chosen leaders, you take
what ever you need to get God's work done and don't forget them
infidels. We owe it to our people to rid the world of them. No one
understands that better then you as PM of Canada and me as President
of these here United States"
Kenney-
"Did Bibi call?"
Harper-
"No, he's in Moscow right now talking to Putin, probably making
sure if Russia ends up being in charge and not the US. they'll be
willing to negotiate with Israel. He also asked me not to criticize
Russia about helping Assad at least until he says it's okay. Doesn't
matter now."
Harper-
"Lynton flew home to Australia last night. After the election
results were in, he couldn't get out of here fast enough. Cameron
hasn't called either, he was the one who recommended Lynton to me."
Kenney-"I
thought for sure the wearing of the Niqab issue would help you win
another majority. Mom described you as a valiant crusader for
Canadian values."
Harper-
"So did I. Probably those bloody Muslims worked behind the
scenes and got the courts to support them and that bloody Muslim
Siddiqui wrote an article calling me a racist and a despot and the
the next day wrote another article, telling people to vote for
Trudeau. I thought Siddiqui retired. There should be a law, that
after journalists retire there no longer allowed to write any more
columns. If I would have won I would have made a law doing just
that."
Kenney-"
Yeah you could have included it in one of your omnibus bills."
Harper-
Puts face in his open hands "Oh God Jason I was so close. With
the RCMP and bill C-51 I could have controlled the whole country. No
one would have dared protest. I would have been free to complete my
Neoliberal agenda and would have solidified and expanded my power. I
could have been Prime Minister for life! Did ya hear that, for
life!!"
Kenney-
"Yes, I thought we had all our bases covered."
Harper-
"So did I. We knew the MSM would follow our lead and do what we
wanted them to do and they did. Also, any conservative running was
told to stay away from local debates and the media, and they did.
Vetting and giving invitations to those who wanted to attend my
campaign stops was a brilliant idea, because only those who supported
me got an invitation, that way I could control the message. Some
Canadians not of our base complained, but I figure their just so
insecure they have to be included in everything I do."
Kenney-
"And don't forget the ads, telling Canadians what they should
think about Trudeau. They worked brilliantly in the 2 previous
elections."
Harper-"The
one that should have definitely worked, but didn't, was the Fair
Election Act. That was supposed to be my ticket straight to the
majority everyone promised me."
Kenney-
"Yeah I thought for sure it would give you your majority,I mean
were talking about people here who don't even have the correct ID
that the new Election Act requires and there now going to go out and
get the right ID just to vote? People like indians? I don't think so!
My mom says, for as long as she can remember, Indians have alway
been shiftless and irresponsible."
Harper-"
Yeah, well, I was talking to Bibi about a month ago and I told him ,
my majority was in the bag, that we had laid the groundwork in many
ways to assure a majority win . I told him that once we won, I would
be able to finish what I had started and Canada would be the Country
I had dreamed of and the Country him and I had talked about over many
hours when I was in Israel and I thanked him for his advice. I also
told him that we had put a hold on refugees, preventing many muslim
refugees from coming to Canada and we had figured out a way to get
rid of many muslims who were already here and I would tell him all
about it when we got together after the election."
Kenney-
"Yeah you would have finally been able to get rid of that
Palestinian busy body Dr. Abuelaish." My mother says she would
never go to a Dr. with the last name of Abuelaish, as a woman she
just couldn't trust him."
Harper-"yeah,
can you imagine the nerve of him asking for a meeting with Baird or
myself. All because he wanted visas for 100 Palestinian kids to get
medical help. The Palestinians brought this on to themselves. Bibi
told me that Palestinians use their kids as shields. He says their
quite primitive people, sort of like our indians. Old Stock Canadians
know what I'm talking about."
Kenney-
"How about Mohamed Fahmy coming back the last week of the
election."
Harper-
"Yeah and blabbing his big mouth off that I should have called
el- Sisi directly. That nobody publicly telling me, me the Prime
Minister of Canada, that I should have done his bidding. If I would
have won, he would have been the first person I would have deported
under bill C-24. and I would have seen him off myself waving goodbye
to him at the airport."
Harper-
"Do ya think we can find a way to stay?"
Kenney-"
Like how?"
Harper-"I
don't know. Maybe if there was a terrorist attack, not a real one,
but an attack that could be called terrorist, then I would have to
use the War Measures Act. to call a state of emergency and I could
stay as Prime Minister. Then I could keep extending that stay. I
would have to get approval from the Governor General, but he does
exactly what I tell him, so no worries there. I would have the RCMP
and the Military acting in support of bill C-51. By the time everyone
figured what happened it would be too late and I would be in place to
be PM for life."
Kenney-
"hmm, I don't know Steve, even if it did work, I don't think we
have the time, you know, to make the necessary arrangements, mom
always says good planning is what makes a project successful."
Harper-"I
don't give a damn what your mother says, It's what I say that
matters.
Kenney-
"Not anymore Steve
Then
someone knocks on the door, opens it, pokes his head in, looks at
Harper and says,"Mr. Harper, Prime Minister Trudeau is here to
see you."
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